Maris Crane

Dear Diary,

Today marks a First.

I just “got” Fraiser. I can’t even pretend I didn’t crack up at least four times during “Kisses Sweeter Than Wine.”

For me, crossing that threshold means so much, including, “I’m old enough to laugh knowingly about the subtleties of workplace bullying,” and, “I know what Fraiser means when, in anticipation of a douchey wine-tasting party, he says ‘these people are very critical’ and he freaks out about a scratch on his hardwood floor.”

While I find all of the above appropriately terrifying, the Wikipedia entry about Maris Crane has sealed my fate…by elevating terror to despair and making January 13 better than it was ever likely to be:

Maris lived in her family’s mansion, which has been in the family for four generations after they made their fortune from urinal cakes (although she fooled everyone by telling them her fortune comes from timber)

Maris was born in 1952 in Seattle. Her father was known as ‘The Commodore’ and she also has at least two sisters. As a child Maris was quite chubby, but then she started losing weight and was soon very skinny. She stole a crucifix from the Vatican when she was young. She has a sister named Brie, who was born with only one nostril; she is mentioned as Frasier’s date in one episode.

“I’m a person who enjoys laughing about class dynamics and urinal cakes.”

I hate everything.

:(

-boooop